At the Supermarket

I have just popped in to the supermarket to stock up on a few things that I have run out of - you know, the sort of things where you know exactly where they are and I can quickly go directly to them, then quickly to the check-out, then away. No fuss, no problem, the least time spent at the supermarket as possible. The music that was playing was "Day By Day", you know, that song from "Godspell". I have never heard that in the supermarket before: Billy Joel yes, Phil Collins yes, but not this song from "Godspell" that I haven't heard since the seventies.

Had to get a mouse trap. I picked one up and was pondering if I should actually get two. Then the people that were passing by seemed to look at me strange, like I should not have been buying a mouse trap at all, like I shouldn't need a mouse trap. Well, I wasn't going to let their awkward looks influence my purchasing - so I got two.

I walked passed Jennifer Aniston. She was pushing her trolley full of frozen dinners for one, looking sad and lonely. Why was she all alone? I think we all know why she is all alone. I say "Hi Jen", as I pass by and quickly look away so there is no chance to stop and talk. Got to get my stuff and then get out of here. Jen just attempts a half smile then goes back to looking grumpy.

I head towards the fruit and vegetable section - I need a lettuce. I pass more shoppers and I get more strange looks. Why? I find a good looking lettuce and then can't decide if I should put it in a plastic bag or keep it out. They never fit properly into the plastic bags and I always spend too long trying to get it in. Standing there in the middle of the fruit and veggie section fumbling with a plastic bag and a lettuce, and then, when I get to the check out, whether I have gone with the bag or not always seems to be the wrong decision. Anyway, I am standing there, lettuce in hand, pondering this eternal question when a rather old supermarket employee comes up to me to ask if I needed any help. The guy would have been at least seventy and asked me if I had weighed it.
"Why do I need to weigh a lettuce?"
He takes it from me and goes off to find a scale to weigh it on, but there is none in the fruit and veggie section. So, off he walks with my lettuce in hand, towards the front of the supermarket. It was then that I noticed the huge number of people that were lined up for the check outs.

Everyone was standing, waiting in a line that stretched from the check outs across the front of the supermarket, down the side to the very back. This is going to take forever, and I only have a few things - including my lettuce that I have now lost sight of. Why does everyone always panic the day before a public holiday like they won't be able to shop again for six months. I should just dump my stuff and leave, but I am having some friends come to visit tomorrow and I really need these few things - including the lettuce. I count my items, maybe I can go through the twelve items or less check out and get around this long queue. 5, 8, 10, oh I have 15 items would anyone notice?

It was just then, as I was looking down at the carry basket with fifteen items that I noticed I was dressed as Superman. Everyone else was noticing as well. I normally do my grocery shopping dressed as Clark so as not to draw attention. Well, that explains the strange looks in the previous aisles. Question is now, do I use my reputation and good standing among the citizens of this city to jump to the front of the queue. No, I can't do that, I will just have to stay standing in this unusually long queue like the rest of the ordinary everyday shoppers.